Welcome to my new spot to spew…

10 years was plenty on twoplustwo. I had a decent time there overall, got really good at poker/thinking objectively, logically and strategically in general, eventually spewed my brains out as a blogger, maintained my sanity (I think) by doing so, became a much more real person in the process, learned a ton about myself and others/human nature in general (I think), let my guard down and got taken advantage of by some nits in lags’ clothing, and I helped just enough people along the way to make it all worth it…

The feedback I’ve received regarding my 2k thread/the cautionary tale of an all-heart degen trying to support an upper class family solely via live poker winnings (with putrid money management skills and eventually horrific luck), which became my blog (not in the blog sub-forum of 2p2, but rather smack dab in a very infrequently visited strategy sub-forum called “MHFR“- cuz that’s my spot and those are my mf people), has been way too positive/supportive/HUMBLING- from minutes after I posted the OP way back on 2-15-2012 to current (just got a warm PM from someone I’ve never met irl pertaining to it today, 5+ years and 3,750 posts later!), to ever stop sharing my crazy life experiences and the mostly loose theories I’ve formed from them.

I never intended to blog on 2p2- or anywhere. I value my anonymity/privacy a ton, sometimes have a hard time focusing (or not focusing too much- OCD style), and I figured my technical shortcomings/endless thought tangents were a handicap I just wouldn’t be able to overcome–> people would quickly get turned off by my “crazy writing style”… I majored in English- Creative Writing in college but mostly just wrote poems, and after that (didn’t graduate obv) I wrote basically nothing- aside from songs, for a good decade- until I became DGAF on 2p2. When I started writing again (as DGAF), I simply did not have the ability to compose a proper sentence, much less a paragraph…

My thread just never stopped flowing with questions (still hasn’t), and I’ve always been way too much of a pleaser to not answer every single one. Eventually I started to enjoy the process (mostly- though fuck the handful of trolls that went places they shouldn’t have/only did so because they were anonymous), and I even started posting essays and what not unprovoked. I found that writing regularly was extremely therapeutic for me- and I’ve certainly been in line for a lot of therapy my whole life. Also, I eventually learned that content/substance >>> grammar/technicalities when it comes to telling stories on the Internet.

I now realize–it took endless people telling me this for some reason– that I am a good writer– a writer that a lot of people actually want to read… Turns out if you have a ridiculous yet true story to tell, you are painfully forth-coming, you are sometimes funny/often witty/always humble, and you are insanely righteous in an insanely shady world (and you have the balls to be unwavering in your unpopular/confrontational opinions), people don’t really care that you are a gigantic run-on sentence hack/that your punctuation would make a High School English teacher jump off the nearest bridge. People want to read your shit- for entertainment, for solidarity, for understanding, for guidance…

People want real.

The 2k thread is real AF. It’s also dark AF. The poker world is a pretty damn dark place though (once you’ve been in it long enough to truly see it for what it is/you start death-running for months at a time). And I’ve personally been in a very dark place on and off MY WHOLE LIFE (I’m guessing some of you have too- you just don’t feel the need to spew about it to the world. I respect that- I hope though that my spewing has at least helped you feel less alone/fucked up). Having said all that…

I’m finally going to turn on the light in my life. I’ve considered ALL options and that’s the one I’m committing too. My kids need it, my ever shrinking circle needs it- maybe even my readers need it. And for the first time ever, I feel chill saying this/not like an entitled brat- I need it. need to fucking turn on the light- for me.

I need to see what I can become when I’m no longer living in The Abyss

This blog is going to be a positive one. Not in a cheesy way (I hope)- and not always positive obv (that would be cheesy). This blog is going to be positive in a general “OK, it’s finally time to man the fuck up and take the actions necessary to improve your life. It’s time to overcome your highly self-destructive tendencies once and for all (even though that is hard AF to do/those are deep routed from an objectively very shitty early childhood filled with neglect and abuse- and childhood matters a TON)…”

This blog is hardly going to be about poker (I’m finally getting out/I’m starting a couple cool freelance jobs/I’m going balls deep in Poker Rags™/I’m hopefully gonna write a few BOOKS/I’m trying to record the billion SONGS I’ve written/etc)…

This blog is going to be about making a fresh start halfway through your life (moving home base from 2p2 helps me do that- it also makes my writing WAY more accessible/marketable/potentially profitable), because you didn’t come out of the gates so well the first time…

This blog is going to be about standing up to all human parasites (aka “nits”), resisting selfish/self-absorbed temptation yourself, and coming the fuck up in this world- in a righteous and honorable way that leaves you smiling on the porch in your golden years…

This blog is going to be about dreaming big and then fucking making big happen– not being afraid of success or true happiness/not feeling like you don’t deserve those things, and then giving back everything you can…

This blog is going to be about being a good parent, a good friend (for me this means lowering expectations and not having a quick betrayal trigger), a good soul mate, a good human, a good leader, a good businessman/someone who brings integrity to business (and then magically gets all the business over all the bait-and-switch/hidden charges/shitty service greed bags who currently rule the world)…

This blog is going to be about building a Community of people who are COMMUNAL– and then collectively taking on all those who are not.

This blog is going to be about…

***My bad on all the inserted links- just learned how to do that so spazzing obv.

 

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3 thoughts on “Welcome to my new spot to spew…

  1. In. Just give us the truth. The real. You already get that, but it feels like you’re trying to be too positive. I do believe positivity changes your life for the better. So I’m good with that. But tell us about the negative too. We want the real.

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    1. Yikes. I just revisited this. Thanks again for your comment. It was the nicest way possible of saying, “Come on man, what is this garbage?” I was def over-eager to get my blog rolling, and in true self-destructive fashion I published pure rubbish as post 1 lol…

      I just went back and lit the post on fire. It is now dark and optimistic- just like my avatar, just like me (for now). It’s also something worth reading/clicking on (now) imho…

      I’m gonna go through the rest of my posts in the coming days, and I plan to be much more scrupulous/less impatient before hitting “Publish” moving forward. My apologies to the early readers…

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  2. Thanks for the feedback. I think maybe I was trying too hard to be positive in this post. Maybe instead of trying paint darkness as colo,r I should focus more on just trying to find my way into the light more- and always just painting what I see. Either way, I promise plenty of grit in this blog and in my thread (and even on my website probably) until the end of time lol. I’m just looking for some balance- as I’ve been way out of balance for a long time…

    Thanks again.

    Like

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