Great

I want to do something great,

but is it too late?

It’s 2:21 AM and I am at the Rodeway Inn

in Encinitas, California.

I miss my kids, sure, but I’ll see them tomorrow.

The thing that’s really eating me, that is keeping me from sleeping

–aside from my graveyard work schedule–

is that I really fucking want to do something great.

I’m not old but also I don’t have my whole life ahead of me anymore,

and I feel like I’ve had something inside of me my whole life.

Something great…

But how the fuck do I get it out to the world?

What has kept it inside of me my whole life?

I feel like I have songs that would make Bob Dylan blush,

make John Lennon cut his hair and get a job.

Why won’t I record them?

I feel like I’m a good podcaster,

but how come I’m not a great one?

And when will I finish my first book?

For fuck’s sake…

So I can start a 2nd one,

which will be,

I don’t know,

what’s the word?

“Great”.

 

When will I get out of the hole, quit poker, go back to school and become a college basketball coach? I want to coach kids too. Boys and girls. Teach them to be good to each other, to support each other, and yeah, to fucking ball…

Maybe tomorrow, when I wake up, I will do something great. Most likely I won’t, but maybe I will… Actually, fuck that, I’m going to something great right now. I’m going to refine the notes for episode 76 of Season 2 of Sessions (the next one I have to record).

I listened to episode 70, “Latin Night”, on my drive to San Diego tonight. I thought it was great when I recorded it. It wasn’t though. It was pretty good. And that’s cool.

But I want to do something great.

 

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